remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
