the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
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Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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