Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
