idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
