If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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