He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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