community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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