just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
