You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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