Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
