My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
