My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
