my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
