she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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