i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
