he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize