she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
