Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my being single is dangerous.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
