I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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