i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
