You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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