Where is the hickey?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
