My hand turned me down
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
