dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
