Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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