i think my tv is drunk
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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