My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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