remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize