haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
there's paper in my vomit.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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