My room smells like vodka and shame
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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