ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
