he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
