you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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