i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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