what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
