sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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