I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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