matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
