Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
