just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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