apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Less talking, more tequila
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
