You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
