Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
