the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
