I cannot find my penis.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
