i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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