My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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