I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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