take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
