Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can I color on your dick again?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
