Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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