He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
