So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize