I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
