I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
