and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize