I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
