does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i think my cat just said my name.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize