I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize
