life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
