So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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