In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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