Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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