We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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