I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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