It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
