During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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