Just fell off a train. Bad.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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